looking back

After a decade of rewarding teaching at an established primary school, I committed two years to serving in a foreign community for a very basic salary. I lost all the benefits and perks of a hard earned teaching position in that move. I moved to a town where I was not known and where I knew no one. The respect that I had built up over years of integrity meant very little to this community for they did not know me nor wanted to know me. I was the Outsider. The English Teacher.

The expectations and hopes that I brought with me seemed to matter so very little here. My Suitcase of enthusiasm got lost in transit. My boxes of willingness- to- serve got squashed. My desire to teach well and make an impact faded. I fell into survival mode. Survive till end of the school day, survive till family treats you over the weekend, survive till month- end with what’s in the pantry. Just survive.

Then Something happened. Someone gently wooed me to Himself. He gently held me as I sobbed, dried my tears and listened. He listened some more. He stood with me as I travelled to those Deep, Dark Hurting Places. He wrapped me in His arms. He held me and didn’t let go. He invited me to forgive myself and then to forgive them. Slowly, each moment that I was willing He revealed more of Himself to me. He reminded me of who He was and the authority and rule that He alone carried. He invited me to Trust. I gingerly took the proffered hand and then with more confidence than I knew I had, I held on. With His rock solid grip around me he gently, yet so firmly pulled me up onto solid ground again. I saw the sky. I beheld the beauty. I laughed, sang and danced for the joy and hope that filled me. I had reason to live again. Together we celebrated. I sang and danced to the Hallelujahs of His Glorious Praise.

Although a joyful interlude, the story does not end here. With my feet on solid ground and my Light ever before me I walked into a brilliant adventure in the making. In the months that follow, I will start a new beginning at a new school in a different town. Yet fear and trepidation doesn’t fill my heart as I remember the past for I know the One who leads me. I know that His Spirit is in me. As I allow Him, He will guide, encourage and fill me. I no longer look to man for affirmation. I no longer look to money for security. I no longer look to myself to boost my independent streak. I look to my Creator. For He alone holds the keys to my Future. He alone is my Saviour and my Lord.

Together we are embarking an awe inspiring adventure to the glory of his holy name, Jahweh.

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